[Please describe your symptoms here]

New doctor's appointment: August 11th; panic attack, you are expected.

While the prospect of finding a new doctor was once exciting, now it brings on noting but stress. Having had to endure with an unresolved medical problem for six years, I basically understand how the doctor's appointment will go. Unfortunately, I now fear that leaving out any detail of my symptoms will result in my treatment not working for me. I have this fear, because I feel that my FM was not diagnosed for years because of my inability to consolidate all of my symptoms in a neat and fashionable manner to my doctor's in some concise way. Obviously, the idea of having to write down every symptom of mine is a daunting task --- let's not even mention that I am to do this in one small line on a piece of paper.
When asked, "What parts of your body are afflicted with pain?" I answer, "Everywhere."
When asked , "When do you feel pain?" I answer, "All the time."
Is that good enough? :)

Last night I cried in my mother's arms, because I could not remember what it was like not to feel pain. I was calming down, and was feeling better when she put her hand on my arm, causing more pain just by touching me. I then cried harder. Pain is a part of my life - I accept that. What I am still failing to accept is that I cannot be comforted as I would always like to be.

Strangely enough, my rant, my complaints, whatever this is will end here, because I need to lie down, because (shocker!) my back hurts.

-amh

Summer So Far

This past summer, I say past as if I have conceded that summer is over and the next school year is imminent, originally had the curse of following the most passionate, life-affirming, beautiful summer I ever experienced. Though this past summer had the odds stacked against it, it has proven to be quite comparable to its predecessor.

Newby and I have spent and will continue to spend so much time together, every day affirming the value of our relationship. We went to a wedding together; it must be stated here that going to a wedding while in a serious relationship with your serious partner is a big deal for me. Weddings and the way in which you conduct yourself in the wedding mean a lot to me: explanation of this is for a different time and a different place. Newby, however, went above and beyond in this wedding situation. We had a blast, and I cried and dirtied his handkerchief, good tears mind you.

Also this summer, Christina decided that she would move home: a choice that I feel has already proven to be the right choice. I'm fairly excited about spending some good time with her that does not require a five hour drive.

Also, it means one more person that I get to help form a class schedule for. :)
With the happiness of this summer has come some more serious and disheartening news. About a month and a half ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Basically I have chronic pain, frequent anxiety, constant fatigue along with a dozen other symptoms: tightness in my chest, numbness, Fibro fog to name a few. I encourage everyone to go to the National Fibromyalgia Associate website and learn about the horrible aspects of this "invisible disease". Unfortunately, there's no cure for Fibro. I do, however, believe that God has given me this burden (or gift) for a reason.

I have found strength in God's words; "2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1: 2-4

-amh