New doctor's appointment: August 11th; panic attack, you are expected.
While the prospect of finding a new doctor was once exciting, now it brings on noting but stress. Having had to endure with an unresolved medical problem for six years, I basically understand how the doctor's appointment will go. Unfortunately, I now fear that leaving out any detail of my symptoms will result in my treatment not working for me. I have this fear, because I feel that my FM was not diagnosed for years because of my inability to consolidate all of my symptoms in a neat and fashionable manner to my doctor's in some concise way. Obviously, the idea of having to write down every symptom of mine is a daunting task --- let's not even mention that I am to do this in one small line on a piece of paper.
When asked, "What parts of your body are afflicted with pain?" I answer, "Everywhere."
When asked , "When do you feel pain?" I answer, "All the time."
Is that good enough? :)
Last night I cried in my mother's arms, because I could not remember what it was like not to feel pain. I was calming down, and was feeling better when she put her hand on my arm, causing more pain just by touching me. I then cried harder. Pain is a part of my life - I accept that. What I am still failing to accept is that I cannot be comforted as I would always like to be.
Strangely enough, my rant, my complaints, whatever this is will end here, because I need to lie down, because (shocker!) my back hurts.
-amh
