Christina Syndrome

A few years ago, my best friend started having adverse reactions to certain foods or after eating. She would have extreme stomach pain, cramping, and a ton of GI problems that no one ever resolved. We just called it "Christina Syndrome".

When I was refeeding, it would take me hours to finish 50% of a meal. My stomach could not digest properly. Digestion was a foreign thing to my body. I had deprived my body for so long of nutrients, that taking in those nutrients became extremely painful. I'm sure Ed was in there too, and that it wasn't entirely my body reacting to food.

While I don't consider myself "in recovery", I am no longer refeeding. I'm not at my goal weight (whatever that is). I have not gained enough weight to be considered an "appropriate" range. My metabolism is out of whack, and Katherine has put me on a really intense meal plan so that I don't lose any more weight than I already have coming out of treatment. Ed doesn't like this idea. Regardless of the weight I have gained and the progress I have made, eating has not become easier either mentally or physically. Here's the process...

I eat, therefore, I feel sick.
I eat, therefore, my stomach screams in pain.
I eat, therefore, I can feel my body attempting to digest food.
I eat beyond fullness cues so that I meet my meal plan, therefore, I send my body into immense pain, giving me high restriction and purging urges.
I eat, and immediately I have stomach pain.
Nothing is regulated.

I'm already horrible at assessing pain levels, but now I have to do it after everything I eat. Blood draws, GI appointments, dietitian appointments... I'm going through all of these hoops in some attempt to figure out why eating is so difficult. I know that there is a mental component to this, but there is also a physical one. I shouldn't feel like I'm in that scene from Alien when the alien comes out of the stomach every time I eat. It even happens when I eat "safe" foods. Have I really screwed up my body so much that now I have created an intolerance to certain foods because I deprived my body of them for so long?

Ya know... people say "It's not about the food." But dammit... I need to eat. I know I do. Some Part of me wants to eat! But why can't I eat, digest, and have a nice, normal cycle like that!?!? Why can't it just be food? Why can't I just eat it, and not be in pain?!




P.S. I'm really tired of Web MD-ing my symptoms... Suggestions? Get on x, y, and z medications. I'm on ALL OF THOSE. THEY DON'T HELP. SCREW YOU.


=/