This is my detailed plan of action. This plan came about after having severe internal conflict about continuing with my current dietitian. The purpose of this plan is to help me construct the greatest post-treatment environment I can to protect myself and my recovery. I am making this plan open to my team, my family, the girls from EDA, and my friends so that they may voice their concerns, suggest alternatives, and help me maintain the most healthy lifestyle I can.
First and foremost, I have decided to stop seeing my current dietitian. The reasons for this are…
- I have left every appointment in tears
- I believe her style and mine do not mesh well
- I would prefer more encouragement as opposed to criticism
- I feel that my current meal plan is creating more eating disordered thoughts and actions
- I feel that I have gained a great deal of knowledge from my dietitians and nutritionists since July of 2011, and I can implement this knowledge in my everyday life
- I currently have a great mindset about weight gain, recovery, and food. I fear that continuing with my current dietitian will make me hyper-vigilant of my intake and hinder my growth in recovery.
- My dietitian has stated that she does not trust me, and I am under the impression that she does not believe what I tell her.
- I do not have the money to continue seeing my dietitian.
So that I do not relapse, I am committing myself to these promises…
- I will continue to go to EDA
- I will eat three meals a day at “normal” meal times.
- I will eat two “Castlewood sized” snacks or one “Castlewood sized” double snack a day.
- I will go to the grocery store at least twice a week, more if necessary, with a friend or family member (to keep myself in check so that I don’t buy fat free cheese or stuff like that)
- I will continue to eat meals both with my family at home (not isolating during meals at home) and eat alone in public (something I’ve been trying to challenge recently)
- I will entrust a doctor (probably Dr. Gomez if I like her, or Dr. Herrmann if I choose to remain with her) to monitor my weight. I will not weigh myself.
- I will continue to see Thom weekly
- I will continue to keep daily logs of all the food I eat. I will make comments about my meals/snacks as I currently do for my dietitian
It is my purpose in doing this to keep myself healthy. Personally, I don’t think that having anxiety around food and seeing my dietitian is helping my eating disorder. I am very comfortable with eating now. I like my current relationship with food. I see myself changing, and I love it. I am realizing that a large part of my disorder is my perfectionism. My perfectionist qualities are linking themselves so tightly with my meal plan that I am getting hooked on this idea of perfect recovery, which is just killing me. I do better with food and meals and getting in my minimums when I am not forcing myself to be as hyper-vigilant over my food as my dietitian would like (or what I perceive her to want from me). I am not saying that I will not ever see a dietitian again, but I would like time away from a dietitian to see if it is what is best for me. Different things work for different people, and there is no single way of recovery that is right for everyone. I really feel that I can do this without a dietitian at the moment. If I can’t and my family, friends, or team see me relapsing, I would immediately reconsider going to a dietitian and going about all of this in a different way. I just ask that people support me in my decision to work through recovery as I feel in my heart is best for me.
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